/some more random thoughts/

A few weeks back in the mountainous areas of Hunan, when it was freezing cold and we had to climb the rocky remains of mountains that were ruined deliberately by explosives (not sure of the reason why) to get to the hotel, I thought I was going to die because the ruins were so slippery, so hard to climb.. the freezing cold weather did not help, and I remembered the fear, panic, adrenaline all mixed up and pumping in my veins; I felt hot and cold at the same time (which wasn't exactly the most comfortable feeling in the world)

So I told myself, I could do this. Hey, I wasn't even at the edge of some cliff. Just trying to climb over some ruins, what's so hard about that?

So I did. (Even though I lost my furry artist cap in the process. But I didn't brood over the loss)

I was so proud of myself at that instant. Prouder than I ever was, not even when I received my PSLE results (L O L)

I'm not sure why I felt like I needed to talk about this, but it was just a harrowing experience in general

/edit:/
I will always remember the lady behind me who supported me with her hands because I looked like (and was really) I was going to fall off the slope. I turned, registered her action and at that instant, I was warm.

finding it tough to put what I'm feeling into words,

I guess I am not liking how the year is shaping out to be/ending

You will be missed...

And you. 谢谢你给的伤痕，我学会了很多

/tired/

resentment

when love turns into frustration, despair, emptiness, and finally, hate

我化了一身浓妆 告诉你我还坚强

(lyrics that came to my mind the moment I got out of bed today) (unwillingly)

I just want to... go back to the times when I was all I thought about. When I was content in my little shell and nothing bothered me.

*repeats mantra that everything happens for a reason*

Sadness & emptiness have left, now I'm just dealing with some annoyance and frustration because, how did that happen? .....perhaps that's why they always say, "Strange things happen."

warm feelings

Thankful for the great company for the past few days- thank you so much for initiating the meeting, even if you had absolutely no idea. Or I might just end up wallowing in sadness/nothingness/

Someday, I will be able to do this on my own 

這世界上有很多種煎熬
而這種煎熬並不算什麽

舍不得短短副歌 心还热着 也该告一段落

Wouldn't say that I'd emerged unscathed. But glad that I have my TVB dramas to lose myself in, as always.

Extremely grateful for the busy day today, even though it still hurts randomly.

“一想起你 忙碌的生活变得空荡荡”

但你也不要太骄傲
总有一天会没事的

HAVE A MERRY LITTLE CHRISTMAS

Was scrolling through my old posts (AGAIN), because I was just done with changing the background (basically I changed the colour. Now it is a very pale, toned-down kinda pink. What do you call it? Anyway, it is kind of nice to look at. ) & I realised that I did some sort of reflection post last year today?? Lol. Okay I shall make an attempt at that right now since I'm really bored

How do I begin-

(referring to that old post for a clue)

So I talked about new beginnings, Another Chance, ....

I don't know.. this year has been a whirlwind of firsts, emotions, trying, working hard (at least attempts that I think were pretty decent OKAY)

"我们都曾为某个人努力过"

"等一个固执的如果"

sorry, random lyrics popping up everywhere

"Things happen for a reason" -wise ol' B

"Not your loss"

I just want to say a big THANK YOU to all who were there for me all along... y'know. Just showing that you care, even though I know all the while I've been too preoccupied with my own affairs to be concerned about anything else- I'm so sorry, you guys mean more than the world to me. Again feeling so guilty that you guys have always been the ones making the effort to keep in contact, to check on me, ask how I'm doing- while I was lost in my own (meaningless) pursuits, my head up in the clouds for something(one) that(who) probably will not matter 10 years down the road  tomorrow :)

And in the most twisted way, I think what I've just gone through has done me much good
In fact I feel pretty invincible now (LOL)
"老娘啥没做过？？！”-wise ol' B
Perhaps worry about awkwardness next year or something. But hey, things can't get any more awkward right????

Will get myself to read your messages, word by word, sometime. If I can read them without cringing, I'M ALL GOOD :)
may sting from time to time but
what is a little pain gon' do

"but life was so simple then"-R

I can only say that I missed the simplicity dearly. What I would do to recover those lost times



--
I'm aware that I just typed a super random, super messy, super disorganized post
I'm so sorry ahahaha
but I'm really alright

(this is taking less time than I thought. yay)

MERRY CHRISTMAS EVERYBODY

Was never important for starters :) Now that makes things easier.

getting over

Perhaps one day you will no longer be the reason I need to blog