"remember those walls were built/ well baby they're tumbling down"

Another week has flown by and we're ever closer to exile release

Glad that I haven't had time to think about things that have been bothering me since...... well, forever. The day I remembered how it all used to feel- uncontrollable grins, flutters, daydreaming....... And now, I think it deserves a proper closure

This year, I learnt more about myself. I've learnt to give people a chance, to give myself a chance to break those walls
And that I am actually a pretty courageous person after all (will always remember that super long, super late conversation we had with a smile)

Thank you for being part of my life and for making it memorable before I officially consider myself an adult (damn, I don't want to grow up)

I hope you'll be happy. Be able to do things that you like. Find someone who will remain in awe of you despite the passing of time, someone who finds you different from everyone else

And uhhhh hahaha of course all the best for A's
I always wished I could give you encouragement, make you smile and let you know that someone cares. But I'm hardly in any position to do it, no? I do resent the awkwardness of everything. Sometimes.
(I also hope that you will be reading this and know that I have been meaning to say these to you, for the longest time, but... I guess I'm not as courageous as I thought)

(Perhaps in a parallel universe, we actually have a chance)

Still, it feels good to have a closure
No longer yearning for answers, or being afraid of the answer (that I never got)

Finaaaaaally (aren't you relieved)
I'm not sure if you know this, or if anyone has ever told you this
but
you have beautiful eyes

Thank you for showing that you care, in the most subtle of ways
Thank you for not giving up
Thank you for giving me the strength to pick myself up again

Just went to read some of my old posts from 2012 (man that was a long time ago. I feel ancient) and lemme quote my happy, grateful and hopeful 16-year-old self: "Life is beautiful, and will always be."

It's sad but I have been feeling the exact opposite of whatever the above quote entails these days
It's so bad that when I read it just now, I just wanted to let out a scornful laugh and be like "SERVE YOU RIGHT FOR BEING BLINDLY OPTIMISTIC, B****"

So. Graduation happened once more (my graduation from high school didn't feel all that long ago even though reading my 2012 posts made me feel like an antique) and this time, some sadness really kicked in. This is really the end of something,  though I'm not even sure what exactly. Heart is as empty as ever, with certain regrets and (loads of) dissatisfaction. But time doesn't rewind. 回不去了

So tired of everything

Perhaps in your eyes I don't even deserve that bit of encouragement. So much so that you couldn't even be bothered to hide how glad you are about being relieved of the burden of throwing in words that you probably never meant to say 

I'm so done with all this crap, glad that THE DAY is finally coming. No more endless bus rides, cursing under my breath on stupid trains that look like  they will break down any time. No more worrying about being late and getting the damn card confiscated. No more naivety on my part about things that will never, ever, happen. Not in a gazillion years.  

On the way to finding some life, finally. Realising dreams and nursing the trampled soul back to health

All I need to do is to forget the very thing that gave me warmth

Sometimes it's really easier to tell myself, over and over, that under normal circumstances you're not the type I would do a double take for 

And to just leave it at that. 

I'm not running away, I'm simply saving me from myself

Part of me is hoping that it will be you
But the other part of me is hoping that it won't be


Kind of want to learn to play the piano again

It's okay