Been feeling happy all day.... would've been perfect if Monday didn't exist -________- So it's a mix of happiness and jumpy feels lol

Just want to say thank you for the effort to make conversation, your smiles, offering me stuff.. it's overwhelming because I never expected someone to be so.. caring? It's so overwhelming that sometimes I find myself at a loss about how to respond-

Because of you I'm finally out of that ditch I dug for myself (and voluntarily jumped into it), so just. Thank you. :)

Holy crap I just realised that my laptop has been in sleep mode since last night -________________-

Anyway! It's been a great day, even though there was a teeny weeny mini tiny hiccup (or two) somewhere in the middle... have to remind myself to watch it when I try to say something. LOL. That's probably why I choose to shut the hell up most of the time
Silence=no drama. Period.

Also insanely happy about the fact that......... I HAVE FINALLY FIGURED IT OUT! ACHIEVED NIRVANA. TOTAL ENLIGHTENMENT *CUE MANTRAS* ahahahahaha anyway, that wasn't hard to figure out. One would naturally be drawn to warmth and smiles.. forgive me if I'm mistaken. I still don't understand why it was so hard for us to converse like humans do but I guess I have no desire to understand it any more. THIS SISTA RIGHT HERE HAS STOPPED CARING IN ENTIRETY. I think I deserve a round of applause!!!!!!

I know I'm so over it when there wasn't any more desire to walk the extra mile (LIKE LITERALLY!) to buy strawberry/chocolate milk from the supermarket, just in case I walk into you

I took the stairs just for you. Just so I won't lose you in the seas of people

And what did you do?

How is it possible to feel so empty when the days are obviously filled

Probably in need of a break from life and those thoughts that are better off swept under the carpet/locked away in some dungeon

I'm so tired from doing nothing ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha

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Nonsense aside, I'm so glad for the reconciliation- shoutout to Z if you are reading this! Time to relive those fun, happy & carefree times- indeed, we were so young :) (And I'm just going to spoil this by stating the fact that I currently feel like a bag of eighty-year-old bones)

Sigh

Finally got myself to do Blogilates again after what felt like a million years (probably about half a year- not sure) and I was just thinking to myself, perhaps what somebody told me before was right- you may not need a better man, but you deserve a better self. Time to treat yourself right before anyone else can. :)

Also a bunch of people came over today, and once again I was overwhelmed by the rapid passing of time. I used to think that CNY gatherings are strange & awkward because technically, you're having a bunch of people whom you have not seen for a year or more over at your place, all of them incredibly interested in what you're up to recently- it just came across to me as unnatural and, well, plain awkward. However this year I am actually glad that the gathering happened, because today I was aware of how my 姑姑s are getting on their years (they had some trouble with remembering my name, bless them, but a name is just a name, no biggie) and there is just this lingering regret that I haven't been spending enough time with them & doing enough (or anything at all) to let them know that they are actually my favourite part of the extended family (sorry peeps).

Perhaps it's high time to stop whatever "inner turmoil" that is eating me up from the inside and start to pay more attention to people who actually love and care about me

It's easy to order myself to do so (have done it countless times already), but to actually go about doing it is 1000000000x harder 

I try, I try

I always do 

It still gets to me how you recognized that flaw the moment I asked you that (rather strange) question. Even though I immediately told you that you are mistaken, and no that's not the issue, deep down, I was pretty amazed that you knew. And today I want to tell you thank you for your advice. I know that. I know that I'm lacking that (even though according to some, I come across as a really confident person. But hell. No :) )

Funny how the random vlog that I put on to listen to as I type out this post happens to be about confidence. Listening to Remi is just... incredibly therapeutic.

Just a random question to ponder about- what if someone you really love does something that makes you feel tremendously disappointed in them? Do you brush it off, just because they are extremely important to you?

I never knew the day would come but here it is. I have to say I quite miss those sleepy, stuffy days in school. JC to be exact. The days when we (W & I) dragged ourselves to the hs canteen, heavy bags in tow, no matter how merciless the sun was. The days when I complained about the seemingly endless work and lack of sleep. Sigh. Those days.

Also the days when I

Not worth mentioning/talking about anymore. Time to accept the fact that time doesn't stop for anyone and pack those feels back in

Feeling like this perhaps of what is to come in 2 weeks

The hall. Packed like sardines, cheering and clapping going on all around.

I flicked my eyes on the seemingly excited crowds, uninterested. Bored.

Suddenly I catch sight of you- I fixated my eyes on your side profile a little longer, wondering if I should initiate a conversation, at the same time trying to reconcile with the fact that the person I was seeing right then- just as stony-faced, uninterested as I was- was the very same person I chatted with on the train, incessantly, just two nights ago.

Nope. No resemblance at all. Zilch. Nada.

I thought better of it and went back to twiddling with my thumbs.

--

Present day: I always wonder if things would have been different if I'd tried to talk to you that day, in that noisy, crowded mess of a hall.

Then I stop myself in my tracks because there are no what ifs to seek solace in.

During these nights where sleep deserts me, long and lonely train rides that give me bizarre migraines, I try to recall the times that I ever had any form of interaction with you, and engrave them, detail by detail, word by word, in the enclaves of my heart. I find myself pondering about the purpose of it all, but found none.

Sometimes, we don't need any reason at all

Accept and forgive what has been done, and m o v e o n