After a reluctant (and at times, painful) void of-5? 6? years- I have finally gotten myself in the write frame of mind. (oh so punny! ha ha)

It is as tough as I had imagined it to be- there is no momentum, no flow, and often I stopped myself and wondered if this is worth any of my time at all?

It was the first time that warmth descended- laughter, chatter all around, surrounding us like a soft light would caress a halo. 

Time and again I had to remind myself (with some force) that life has been kind to send you guys to me. From that time on I needed no further affirmation or consideration: I am, indeed, unmistakably, irrefutably, blessed.

If I were to be completely honest with myself I admit that I had never felt compelled to put in much of an effort to know you better. And if you ask me why, I'd say it's probably because I'd imagined a barrier between us that can never be broken down no matter how hard either of us tried; something to do with, perhaps, the perfection I see in you; how I will never have the motivation to seek that kind of perfection, and hence will have no business whatsoever with anyone with that level of perfection.

What kind of warped logic is that? Today I want to say that I'm very sorry. I hope there's still time to change things.

人生如逆水行舟 不进则退

过往已渐渐模糊，从前的感伤被岁月浓浓的白雾遮掩，直到‘感伤’悄悄地离开。

I have (almost) forgotten the silent trauma that pw had put me through, trauma that I only knew existed when I started having recurring dreams of a second round of pw presentation, forgetting my lines on the day of the presentation, and only remembering that I had a presentation on the morning of the assessment (good lord.)

Today I stood by the white pillar that strangely enough (or not) looked like a tree trunk. Facing some unfamiliar, yet somewhat familiar faces, I began my ordeal. It went smoothly enough- I was smiling, everyone else laughing at all the right places. Nobody (I hope) saw how badly my thighs were shaking under my black skirt. Nobody heard the palpitations of my heart as I gushed naturally (as quoted from the evaluation session) about how lovely it is to read on the toilet bowl.

And suddenly, it was over.


With all the gratitude that my heart can hold, I thank every single one of you who had shown me encouragement and support during the ordeal; I still cannot quite reason with speeches. I can't say I will ever like delivering them, but I do have faith that one day, it will stop feeling like an ordeal. One day it will feel like the most natural part of my life. One day it will feel like I am just downing a glass of whisky and keeping it down.

Here's to a happy (almost) end of the school week xx

Her lashes fluttered.

It's okay to wake up now, someone whispers.

When she finally opens her eyes, the person is gone. What remains is the faint earthy scent that hangs in the air like a suspended string of pearls; colours blooming, leaves bejeweled with fresh dew drops that seem to sparkle as rays of the sun beam through. 

刚刚在找笔记本的我偶然发现自己15岁的周记，虽是写给老师批改的却可以感觉到自己下笔的热忱与诚恳。好感动，不知何时才可以有机会这样轻松地下笔~ 谢谢老师认真地为我改错别字、说我写得好，我想15岁的自己也是靠着这些鼓励的字眼，才有勇气面对恐怖的理工科和从四面八方愤愤而来的压力，一直坚持到现在~ 此刻的我心是暖的，没想到泛黄的文字竟然可以带给我无穷的安慰~ 加油，我们行的